Sburb Of Our Own
by Gallifreyan Annihilator
Summary: Ten Homestuck fans play their version of Sburb, called Scurb, not knowing what lay ahead of them. Rated T for the usual; cursing, minor violence and bloodshed, one same-sex pairing. Canon characters will be added later on into the story, and only play a minor role.


**GA: I don't own Homestuck.**

**I don't know how much I'll be able to write this, seeing as how I'm currently up to my neck in other things, but I wanted to post it to see if anybody was interested in reading it. Enjoy!**

**PS: Not all the titles are going to be canon. I can't tell you who's what, seeing as that's actually a major plot point, but yeah. Off-canon titles include Captain/Spy/Messenger/etc., and heroes of Haze/Dreams/Tears/etc.**

* * *

**== Future Shay: Explain The Situation**

That's a dick move, asshat, like skipping to the back of a book to see how it ends before it even begins. If I were you, I'd just start from the beginning like a normal person and go through the character introductions, get connected with us, learn so much about us you feel as though you've known us for years, and finally feel like a family with us before figuring out which of us die and how the grisly act is commited. It's like Saw, except you actually feel sorry for us – well, most of us. I don't know about Lily, because she ended up being a huge bitch after all. But I get it, you're an ignorant prick with no respect for perso-

**== (Current) Shay: We Get It, Just Start From The Beginning Then.**

The beginning? Are you talking to me? What are you talking about? Whatever. My name was SHAY TRENTON, a manipulative SCORPIO by birth but hotheaded AIRES at heart, and I was probably THE COOLEST BADASS TO EVER WALK THE STREETS OF CORPUS CHRISTI, TEXAS. The coolest girl, at least. My hobbies included DJ'ING AT UNDERAGE CLUBS, GETTING HIGH OFF OF SUGAR AND THEN SINGING COUNTRY SONGS UNTIL MY PARENTS TOLD ME TO SHUT UP, and, of course, HOMESTUCK. My pesterchum handle was IrisEternal, and i TeNDeD To SPeaK iN a VeRY FLuCTuaTiNG MaNNeR. AKA, I capitalized all of my consonants. All of them.

I was in eighth grade when I first started using Pesterchum, and had gained some majorly awesome friends, including one Jude Lancer, the one and only lead singer of the band Montague! I had freaked out when I learned that he was a major Homestuck fan, and we became really good friends right off the bat. I loved his music, and sometimes I felt as if we could become more than friends...but that was a huge "as if" right there. As if he'd like me like that, that is. It just wouldn't work.

Anyways, I had awesome friends who I still talked to after three years of pestering, and things were going great in real life, too. That is, until a certain pal of mine decided to pester me about a certain thing.

**DefineMadness [DM] started pestering IrisEternal [IE]**  
DM: Hey there, hon. What's up?  
IE: HeY THeRe, eLie. NoT MuCH, JuST DoiNG SoMe CHRiSTMaS HoMeWoRK. eT Toi?  
DM: Always with yer fancy French lingo. You musta picked that up from Lily, eh?  
DM: Anywho, just wanted to check up on ya and make sure things are goin' well on yer end.  
IE: MY eND?  
DM: Ya know, Derse n' all.  
IE: oH. YeaH, i FoRGoT aBouT ThaT. aRe You SuRe ThiS iS GoNNa Be a ThiNG?  
DM: Don't worry, hon. It'll be alright.  
IE: aLL RiGHT*, eLie.  
DM: Whatever. But just keep an eye out on the old purple hunk a' rock you call yer dreamin' planet.  
IE: WiLL Do, eLie. BYe.  
DM: Seeya soon, hon.  
**DefineMadness [DM] ceased pestering IrisEternal [IE]**  
IE: WaiT, WHaT?

There were two things here that confused me, and probably one more that confused you. Let me explain. The ten of us were...how do you put it, special. We had been chosen, or more like destined, to play our universe's session of The Game, which, in our case, was Scurb. Most of us didn't know it yet, which meant that the only ones with season passes to the Fountain of Knowledge were Elie Fondren, the guys I just talked to, and I, as well as the two dreamers awake on their respective moons, Lily DeLeau on Prospit and and Joan Meyers on Derse. Elie was a Prospit Dreamer, and I was on Derse. However, I wasn't even awake yet, so I didn't know why Elie was insisting that I "keep an eye out". The other thing bugging me was how he said that he'd see me soon. The way he said it, he assumed that we would be connecting one way or the other, which wasn't the case at all. I was the starting server, so I would be the last person to enter my Medium, and that meant an even longer wait time and the greater possibility of being annihilated by incoming meteors before I even start playing. I mean it was no big deal, seeing that based on our characters and traits, I was nowhere close to being a viable candidate of Space or Time, but his words still threw me off. Instead of worrying about it, however, I just decided to pester my best guy friend besides Jude, Kirk Cancer.

**== Shay: Be Your Best Guy Friend Besides Jude**

You are now KIRK CANCER. No wait, I'm KIRK CANCER. Oh, whatever.

**== Kirk: Get Pestered By The Scary Blue Girl**

Oh yeah, Shay was pestering me, wasn't she. Well, introductions always come first, so she'd have to wait.

My name was KIRK CANCER. Ironically, though, I was born a TAURUS, all three ways around. I used to live in LONDON, but during the eighth grade, I moved to COLERIDGE, NEBRASKA, a place with a smaller population than an average high school, where I set up my Pesterchum account and made my first new American friends online. I loved VIDEO GAMES, MESSING AROUND WITH THE SHOWER SO MY BROTHERS WOULD BE INTRODUCED TO FREEZING COLD APPLE JUICE WHEN THEY WOKE UP, and, of course, HOMESTUCK. My Pesterchum handle was TwentyBelow, and My lines always have exactly ten words, or multiples thereof.

I was actually reading through Act 3 for my third time when Shay decided to start pestering me.

**IrisEternal [IE] started pestering TwentyBelow [TB]**  
IE: KiRK  
IE: KiRK, i KnoW You'Re THeRe.  
IE: DoN'T FuCKiNG iGNoRe Me, You BRiTiSH PRiCK. RaWR.  
IE: You DiCK.  
TB: What do you need, Shay? I am busy right now.  
IE: GooD, You aNSWeReD.  
IE: You GoT THe GooDS?  
TB: What in the whole wide world are you talking about?  
IE: You KNoW WHaT i'M TaLKiNG aBouT. SCuRB.  
TB: Yes, Shay, don't worry. I have the disk with me.  
TB: Why are you bringing this up? You don't wanna play.  
TB: At least, that's what you told me. But to Jude...  
IE: SHuT uP, You PRiCK. JuDe HaS NoTHiNG To Do WiTH THiS.  
TB: I know, I know. I was just joking, that's all.  
TB: Elie talked to you, huh? He spoke to me, also.  
TB: Everybody else is going to receive theirs some time today.  
IE: GooD, BeCauSe We'Re STaRTiNG ToMoRRoW.  
TB: Says who? Elie never mentioned that small detail to me.  
IE: SaYS Me. WHeN BeTTeR To STaRT ThaN aRMaGeDDoN?  
TB: Your words hold some truth. I will pass it on.  
IE: BY THe WaY, KiRK.  
TB: Yes, Shay? What is it this time, I'm still busy.  
IE: YouR QuiRK MaKeS You SouND LiKe a LoSeR.  
**IrisEternal [IE] ceased pestering TwentyBelow [TB]**  
TB: Thank you for your input, Shay, but so does yours.

I chuckled and leaned back in my computer chair, looking out the window. Truth was, I really wasn't busy, and I had nothing to do but waste my time on Pesterchum. However, now that I did have something to do, I guess it was time to get to work.

I cracked my fingers and started dialing my cellphone. After the person I was calling picked up, I allowed myself a grin. "Hello, Abel? It's me, Kirk."

**== Kirk: You Seem Busy, So Be The Loser Shrimp Lord**

I'm sorry, dickwad, but there's nobody here with that name. Try again.

**== Kirk: Be Shay Again**

Oh haha, very funny, but you already introduced me. Now go along and find somebody who wouldn't mind being insulted.

**== Kirk: Fine Then. Be Jude**

You can't be Jude, because Jude is currently not Jude at the moment.

**== Kirk: Running Out Of Options. Be Lily.**

Lily is...in a bit of a pickle, idiot. Pick somebody without serious problems.

**== Kirk: Fuck It All, Be Joan.  
== Joan: Be Politer Than The Other Assholes**

I still don't understand the second person point of view scenarios represented by these works of literature, but I will try my best. Your name is...no, I can't say that, it's my name. Well, it was my name, I suppose? So confusing. Ah well.

Fine, then. My name was JOAN MEYERS, forever a SAGITTARIUS, as well as ONE OF THE BEST ACTRESSES TO EVER GRACE THE STAGES OF TACOMA, WASHINGTON'S BEST JUNIOR THEATRE SCHOOL...not to brag or anything, of course. My hobbies included RESEARCHING BASIC ANGELOLOGY, STAYING UP HOURS PAST MY BEDTIME TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW SHERLOCK ACTUALLY DID IT, and, of course, HOMESTUCK. My Pesterchum handle was PigeonFeathers, and I had a penchant for accentuating my hiSSeS. In other words, I capitalized each and every S.

I was barely waking up from my nap, it being the afternoon of the last day of school before Christmas break and all, when my best non-online friend, Stacy Jenkins, came bursting through the door from my brother's room. Oh, she was also my brother's girlfriend. Go figure. "I have your mail," she said brightly, thrusting the many different-colored letters in my face. Oh yeah, today was my birthday, wasn't it. I was turning seventeen the day before the end of the world, December 20th.

(It was only later that I had realized how true it really was.)

"Thanks, Stace," I said tiredly, grabbing them from her hands. Last night had been hell, seeing as I had to constantly check on each and every Dreamer that was still asleep on my planet – all four of the other Dersites snoozing away, in my case – to make sure they weren't dead yet. We didn't want a Noir sneaking in and killing one of us before we up and started the game, right? Well, we didn't even know if this Noir was our enemy or not, but still. Better safe than sorry. Anyways, being a Knight, it was basically my job to protect others. I took it seriously.

I leafed through the mail, stopping short when an all-too familiar symbol caught my eye, etched onto a CD case. Bingo. It was the Sburb symbol, but different. It was a violent shade of neon orange, the closest comparison I could come up with being Dirk's eyes, and instead of four or twelve screens within the house, there were ten; two large ones near the center of the pattern, with eight others serving as a border for the two. "Hey," I heard Stacy mutter, "that looks like..." I shooshed her – not going into troll quadrants, though, that would be too complicated for real life, thank you very much – and got out of bed, clad in nothing but my tanktop and boxers.

I grabbed my laptop and sunk back down into my bed, also finding my glasses and the black and white feather that was almost always clasped to my pixie-cut hair in one way or another. As I put them on, my computer loaded, and the first thing I saw was a whole lot of messages on Pesterchum from one SideWinder. Typical Lancer.

"Ooh, it's from Jude~," Stacey cooed, her voice practically having that stupid tilde at the end. "Somebody has an admirer~!" I snorted. There were things that I knew about Jude that nobody else did, and hell if they didn't turn me off in the slightest. I found them endearing, but not in the whole "Let's make out virtually" kind of way – even if it wouldn't have been virtual in the next week or so. We were just friends. Really, really good friends.

Okay, I can hear that laughter. Shut up, it's true. Friends. Without benefits. You know what, I give up. Think what you will.

**SideWinder [SW] started pestering PigeonFeathers [PF]**  
SW: ~Joan, please tell me that you are online and not that you simply forgot to turn off your computer and or cellphone.~  
PF: Hey! Sorry I took So long to reply, I waS having an after School nap.  
SW: ~Perfectly acceptable, Joan. I had one myself not too long ago.~  
PF: I keep forgetting we're in different time zoneS, J.  
PF: What time iS it over there?  
SW: ~It's currently around midnight.~  
PF: What?! You didn't have to peSter me if it waS So late!  
SW: ~No no, don't worry. I could not sleep anyways.~  
PF: So modeSt, J. AnywayS, what'S up?  
SW: ~...I recieved it this morning.~  
SW: ~Joan, you did not tell me.~  
PF: ...WhoopS? I'm Sorry, it muSt have Slipped my mind. Ahaha.  
SW: ~This is not a joking matter, Joan. Why did you not tell me?~  
PF: I didn't want you to freak out, which iS exactly what you're doing right now!  
SW: ~I have every right to do so!~  
PF: No you don't, J. You knew thiS waS going to happen. You juSt didn't want to accept it.  
SW: You don't tell me what I want, Joan.

There was a few seconds of virtual silence as I registered the fact that J was angry enough to stop using that stupid tilde quirk. I didn't mean to rile Jude up, honestly. However, even though I wanted to apologize, it was J that answered first.

SW: ~I apologize for that outburst, Joan.~  
PF: No no, it'S fine. I deServed it anyways. I Should be the one apologizing.  
PF: AnywayS, I don't know much, only that we're going to have to play. You Should aSk Elie.  
SW: ~I...I'd prefer not to. He's too smart for his own good.~  
PF: Haha, he probably knowS already. You ARE a ProSpitian, you know. I'm a DerSite, by the way.  
SW: ~Hm. That's interesting. I would have seen myself as Derse and you as Prospit, all things considered. But still, I'd rather not take any chances with Mr. Fondren.~  
PF: Burger King, J.  
SW: ~You never cease to amaze me at your horrible punnery.~  
PF: That waSn't even a pun!  
SW: ~Whatever it was, it was horrible. Well then, have a nice nap, Joan, and I suppose I will see you within the confines of the game.~  
PF: Bye, J!  
**SideWinder [SW] ceased pestering PigeonFeathers [PF]**

"You're going through with this." Stacy's remark was more statement than question.

I shrugged. "I have to, Stace. Either don't play and die here, with no new world waiting at the end, or play and at least have a fighting chance."

She sighed. "You're right, as always. Just...don't forget about us when you leave, okay?" She smiled at me, and my heart absolutely plummeted. If I played, I wouldn't die. But Stacy...and my brother, they would stay in this world, nothing to do but watch as meteor after meteor struck, closer and closer, with no hope of escape. I looked at Stacy's eyes, already tearing up, and reached out to her for a hug. She hugged my back just as tightly, and I could smell the cinnamon chip cookie on her as she whispered into my ear.

"It'll be okay, Joan, it'll be okay."


End file.
